Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Diary of a Clown/Last Clown sitting

Spent the day at Coni Island. When going to see the "Ringling Brother's| Side Show. The only person sitting behind me walked out during the Snake Charmer Act. A few minutes later, the Group of 5 sitting in front of me left when the male dancer on stage took off his jacket followed by 2 fake arms exposing 2 hands attached to his shoulders, leaving me as the only audience member! After the show the Freaks all came over to me and thanked me and I thanked them for a great show! Yes...I gave them my business card!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Diary of a Clown/ Clowning for the Deaf

Clowning for the Deaf

Once in a while, I agree to clown at charity events, provided they take place during the week, since most of my clown jobs are on the weekend. If on the weekend, I’ll charge charitable organizations a semi charity rate, half the price of a regular event.

When a woman called me from an organization for the deaf, I agreed to do it at a semi charity rate. She didn’t seem to have a problem with the price.
The event took place at night, at a big community room in the Bronx Section of NY. There were about fifty kids present and maybe 75 adults. A good portion of the kids there, were either deaf, or had Deaf parents.
Although I never clowned for the Deaf up until that point, I took every bit of knowledge I learned from a couple of Mime Classes and managed to pull off the comedy part pretty good. The other part (the face painting and balloons), were not so easy. The kids would get frustrated trying to not only communicate with me, but with their parents who were trying to explain how they wanted their faces painted and what kind of balloon animal they wanted. By the sounds of the room, you would never know anyone was deaf.

Between the combination of the amount of kids, and the extra time it took to work with most of the kids, I ended up finishing up about an hour past my agreed time and worked my Butt off the entire time.
When going to (or trying to) collect my money, it probably took about twenty minutes to track down the woman who hired me. When I finally found her through all of the kayos, she had that look on her face like a kid with their hand in the Candy Jar and said…”I’ll be right with you” and then took off. I spent another fifteen minutes after that trying to track her down amidst all of the kids wanting more Balloons from me. This time, she had one of those “Oh! She got me again!” looks and said “Uh, I haven’t forgotten about you” “I’ll get you right after I make my speech”. Now, you would think that someone who runs an Organization called Families of the Hearing Impaired” (or something like that), would be making a speech talking about the History of the Hearing Impaired or what good the Organization has done for the Deaf and their families but this woman’s speech had nothing to do with any of that! Her speech, which was being interpreted by a Woman standing behind her doing sign language, went to the tune of….”Now if some of us here are not working together as a team”….”I myself am not a Back Stabber, but will be if I am crossed by any of you!” It sounded more like a speech that a principle at a reform school would make! After about fifteen minutes of this, she finally concluded her speech. At that point, I hurried my way up towards the front of the Stage. As soon as I saw her looking my way, she did a complete U turn and started going on some more with her threats and accusations. People then started asking her questions and giving feed back. It was then I finally started to make my move, since it was going on Midnight. I raised my hand when no one else had theirs raised. Of course she tried to act like she didn’t notice me and kept talking. I really got pissed, placing myself directly on the stage next to her (still in Clown attire) and loudly said “I have a question”. She had no choice but to say “Yes?” With over a hundred people watching, and an interpreter signing everything I was saying, I said “Am I going to be getting paid?” “I’ve been trying to track you down for over an hour now!” In a defeated and an embarassed tone, she said “Yes! Come on.” Everyone just about started laughing! I mean, who looked like the bad one now?! This is someone that just got over accusing a bunch of people in the room of being crooked, and now she is exposed in front of the accused of being crooked herself, and by a Clown!
Oh yes….I did get paid! She probably thought I would give up after a certain point and would never have the nerve to ask her for money in front of all of those people, but I am one Clown that you just don’t cross! Don’t worry…..I won’t make a Forty Five minute speech about it.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Devil in Me

Whenever I get asked to deliver a Singing Telegram, I always ask for a contact Person. In other Words, the Person assigned to set me up with a place to change and leave my stuff while I perform, as well as lead me to the Recipient. The only time I don’t always have a Contact Person, is at someone’s Home. In that case, I usually leave my stuff with the Doorman and put my costume on in the Hallway over my Clothes.

I was called by one of the Telegram Companies to dress up as a Devil Woman and recite a Poem written by the Supposed friend of one of the Head Police Detectives at what happens to be my Local Police Precinct. After hearing there wasn’t going to be a Contact Person provided, I down right refused to do it. I mean, come on….barging into a Police Precinct, dressed as a Devil and recite sadistic Poetry!
The Devil request was shortly sent to me and my entire Colleagues’ by almost every Singing Telegram Company in Manhattan and were all refused by the lot of us.

That same day I was dropping off a Costume to one of the Telegram Companies, when who should happen to call? Yup, you got it….The Devil Woman request. I overheard my Boss on the Phone telling or trying to tell this Woman that all of the Messengers refuse to do it without a Contact Person. She then glanced over at me and seeing what was coming, I shook my Head NO. Before I knew it, she was saying to the Devil woman, “I have one of my Performers right here, maybe you could try to work something out with her”. I gave my Boss this “How could you look” and hesitantly took the Phone from her. To make a long Story short, I ended up saying no at first, until she tripled her price and agreed to find a contact person.
When I went to the Agency the next Day to get my costume and my Directions for the “Devil Gram” I took one look at the Poem I was to read, and said….”OH MY G-D…WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!” I never kept a Copy of it, but there was terminology in it like, “You and I will Travel through the Flames of Hell!” There were like 5 Pages of these Evil sounding Antics.

Like one of the Other Telegrams I did in a Police Station, the Officers thought it would be funny if I waited in a Holding Cell, only this one smelled like Pee! Luckily, I was rescued by one of the Woman Police officers’ who said “Get that Child out of there!"
The Precinct looked like something out of that seventies TV Show “Barney Miller”. Aside from the Holding Cell incidence, the Officers’ treated me like a Star, asking me Questions about what I do and flirting and joking around. I guess I shined a light on there serious Lives.

The Moment finally came for me to do my Devil Gram for a Room full of NY Cops and Detectives, when in walks my Recipient. In an “Elvira” type Voice, I read all 5 Pages incorporating my own Comedy between the Lines, saying Things (in my own Voice) like….”I didn’t write this” and “Ooh, that sounds HOT!” The stunned Recipient was surrounded by a Room filled with Laughter. That was one of the Greatest Audiences I ever had! At the very end of the Telegram, or whatever it was, I said WHO it was from, and got this response from the Recipient….”WHO?!” After I repeated the Name of the sender, one of the Officers intervened and said…”It’s probably from that Nut Job who’s always calling here”. In other Words, the Sender was a Stalker! Not only that, but a Stalker to a Police Detective!

Later that Night, I agreed to meet up with the Sender/Stalker at the Club where my Guitar Playing Boyfriend was performing that Night and give her a Copy of the Tape of my Performance. Before she arrived, I briefed a couple of my Friends on the whole ordeal. After Devil woman left, my 2 friends said practically in unison, “She looks more like a Devil Woman than you”. I definitely agreed, she was all dressed in Black and Red and had on what looked like Voodoo Jewelry. As evil looking as she might have appeared, she ended up paying me like 4 times more than what I usually get paid for a Singing Telegram. I just hope this doesn’t mean the same as selling your soul to the Devil!