Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Devil in Me

Whenever I get asked to deliver a Singing Telegram, I always ask for a contact Person. In other Words, the Person assigned to set me up with a place to change and leave my stuff while I perform, as well as lead me to the Recipient. The only time I don’t always have a Contact Person, is at someone’s Home. In that case, I usually leave my stuff with the Doorman and put my costume on in the Hallway over my Clothes.

I was called by one of the Telegram Companies to dress up as a Devil Woman and recite a Poem written by the Supposed friend of one of the Head Police Detectives at what happens to be my Local Police Precinct. After hearing there wasn’t going to be a Contact Person provided, I down right refused to do it. I mean, come on….barging into a Police Precinct, dressed as a Devil and recite sadistic Poetry!
The Devil request was shortly sent to me and my entire Colleagues’ by almost every Singing Telegram Company in Manhattan and were all refused by the lot of us.

That same day I was dropping off a Costume to one of the Telegram Companies, when who should happen to call? Yup, you got it….The Devil Woman request. I overheard my Boss on the Phone telling or trying to tell this Woman that all of the Messengers refuse to do it without a Contact Person. She then glanced over at me and seeing what was coming, I shook my Head NO. Before I knew it, she was saying to the Devil woman, “I have one of my Performers right here, maybe you could try to work something out with her”. I gave my Boss this “How could you look” and hesitantly took the Phone from her. To make a long Story short, I ended up saying no at first, until she tripled her price and agreed to find a contact person.
When I went to the Agency the next Day to get my costume and my Directions for the “Devil Gram” I took one look at the Poem I was to read, and said….”OH MY G-D…WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!” I never kept a Copy of it, but there was terminology in it like, “You and I will Travel through the Flames of Hell!” There were like 5 Pages of these Evil sounding Antics.

Like one of the Other Telegrams I did in a Police Station, the Officers thought it would be funny if I waited in a Holding Cell, only this one smelled like Pee! Luckily, I was rescued by one of the Woman Police officers’ who said “Get that Child out of there!"
The Precinct looked like something out of that seventies TV Show “Barney Miller”. Aside from the Holding Cell incidence, the Officers’ treated me like a Star, asking me Questions about what I do and flirting and joking around. I guess I shined a light on there serious Lives.

The Moment finally came for me to do my Devil Gram for a Room full of NY Cops and Detectives, when in walks my Recipient. In an “Elvira” type Voice, I read all 5 Pages incorporating my own Comedy between the Lines, saying Things (in my own Voice) like….”I didn’t write this” and “Ooh, that sounds HOT!” The stunned Recipient was surrounded by a Room filled with Laughter. That was one of the Greatest Audiences I ever had! At the very end of the Telegram, or whatever it was, I said WHO it was from, and got this response from the Recipient….”WHO?!” After I repeated the Name of the sender, one of the Officers intervened and said…”It’s probably from that Nut Job who’s always calling here”. In other Words, the Sender was a Stalker! Not only that, but a Stalker to a Police Detective!

Later that Night, I agreed to meet up with the Sender/Stalker at the Club where my Guitar Playing Boyfriend was performing that Night and give her a Copy of the Tape of my Performance. Before she arrived, I briefed a couple of my Friends on the whole ordeal. After Devil woman left, my 2 friends said practically in unison, “She looks more like a Devil Woman than you”. I definitely agreed, she was all dressed in Black and Red and had on what looked like Voodoo Jewelry. As evil looking as she might have appeared, she ended up paying me like 4 times more than what I usually get paid for a Singing Telegram. I just hope this doesn’t mean the same as selling your soul to the Devil!

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