Diary of a Clown/ It's the Clown's turn to be scared

It’s the Clown’s Turn to be Scared

Once and a while the tables get turned and it’s not the people who are scared of Clowns: but the Clowns who are scared of the people. I’ll give you a few examples….

Let’s start with the time I was doing a party somewhere in the Bronx (NY), for a little boy by the name of Gerard. At the end of the party, a little boy looked at me and matter of factly said…”You know Clown, Gerard’s Father Cut off a man’s foot once”. Gerard’s Father, who was close by, didn’t deny it. To make matter’s worse: guess who was driving me back to the Train Station?! Don’t worry! I still have all of my Limbs!

A couple of years ago, I was just finishing up clowning at a Street fair in the Jackson Heights section of NY, when a bunch of Clowns suddenly run past me screaming. I didn’t think too much of it, since I figured…”Hey, they’re Clowns!” I figured they were just excited that they were happy about finishing work after 5 hours. All of a sudden, one of them turned to me and shouted “Quick! Polkadots get in the Building!” “There’s a Shootout!” Trust me, they were not clowning around! I heard the Bangs!

As scary or scarier than being in the middle of a crime scene, or hearing of a crime, is catching someone committing a crime and having them see you at the same time! An example of this one would be the time I walked into a Bedroom to change out of my Mermaid Costume after a Mermaid Themed Girl’s Birthday Party. The first vision I see when I walk through the door, is a Man standing in front of me injecting himself with what looked like a clear Liquid. As he started explaining himself to me, I responded with an acting job that could have won me an Academy Award if the scene were in a Movie. With a cool kind of sound to my voice, I said…”Don’t worry, there’s almost nothing I haven’t seen”. He then offered me to join him and I responded with I’ll pass” and excused myself and got changed in the Bathroom.

Another thing I worry about from time to time is being set up. For instance: when I’m in the middle of doing a Clown Show and some Adult places an Alcoholic Beverage on my Magic Table, I’ll either ask them or whatever other Adult is around to remove the Drink. Other-wise, it’s real easy for someone to call up my Boss and worse yet they probably could prove it by taking a picture of the Drink on my Table. Call me Paranoid, but if someone hands me a drink at a Kid’s Party, I always take a sniff of it first. What caused me to be this way was when doing an outside Clown Party in a park on a 95 degree day in July, a lady handed me a tall Ice filled Glass and said “Hey Clown, are ya thirsty?” Nodding my head yes, I took the Glass from her and quickly gulped down what turned out to be “Baily’s” (my favorite drink). It was so cold and delicious, that I
gulped down the entire Glass! “That Clown is drunk”, one of the Fathers said. Luckily no one called up my boss. The next time someone handed me a drink, I was doing a Clown Party for store Front Gypsies once when someone handed me what looked like water, but what smelled like 100 percent Alcohol.

Here’s another example of a possible Set up. I was to do a singing Telegram at a Supermarket where I was placed in this tiny cage like office to change into my Costume. Sitting on top of the Desk in this Office was a Cash Register Tray filled with Money! My Alarms inside me immediately went off, requesting that they give me another place to change, or remove the Money. They removed the Money.

A Clown’s biggest fear (and I think I can speak for most Clowns on this one) is of Teenagers! In the past, while in my Clown Costume have I not only gotten cursed out by Teenagers, but have gotten my wig whipped right off of my Head, inflated Balloons I was holding viciously popped, goosed, and worst of all had things thrown at me! Luckily, this type of thing doesn’t happen that often especially since I immediately head for the Hills at the first sign of a group of Teenagers!

So for those of you fear of Clowns People out there, it might be you who the Clown fears!