Sunday, September 19, 2010

Match Making Comic/ Diary of a Clown

Each job and hobby has its own little fringe benefits. On a couple of occasions, I took advantage of my skills of a standup comic and a costume character job, and used them to fix up a couple of single friends, as well as myself.

Let’s start with the stand up comedy. About sixteen years ago, I used to perform at clubs in the city (NY City that is) as a stand up comic. On one such occasion, my friend Meredith, who was single at the time, was in the audience. I looked over at a good looking guy who was in the audience, and said…”Are you single?” “Yes” he said. “Good” I said. “Sit right here” as I led him over to my friend Meredith. They talked for a while, but unfortunately, a date was never made, but a good laugh was had by the audience.

Another time I took advantage of my stand up comedy, was to land someone for myself. While in the middle of my set, at this Bar/Club somewhere in the Lower East side of Manhattan, This good looking Guy started heckling me. I got some good verbal shots in which got some great laughs from the audience, but what got an even bigger laugh was when he asked me out and I accepted. I think plans were even made about our date while I was still on the stage. After my set was over he apologized and asked for my number. The date must not have gone very well, since I barely remember it!

My favorite match making scheme came when I was hired by a big advertising agency to walk around as Miss Piggy wearing wings at a corporate party they were having at a big Night Club. Why Miss Piggy? The story goes that a year prior, when the agency was starting to go under, someone talked of equaling (or maybe doubling. I can’t remember exactly) the net worth of there competitor to which someone replied “When Pigs fly!” Well as luck had it, they got back to where they wanted to be, which is exactly why they decided to hire a Pig with Wings to walk around at their Celebration, along with a bunch of Drag Queen impersonators, for whatever reason. Knowing that the Miss Piggy Costume was not the easiest costume to walk around in, and that the Night Club was going to be dark and crowded, I asked my friend Ava to come with me and guide me around. Ava who was single, agreed to go with me and help me out in return for me pushing any eligible looking Guys her way.
As expected, the Club was dark and crowded. Ava followed and guided me for about half of the time she was there. The other half, we got lost in the shuffle. One fat man kept following me around and punching me in the nose! I guess he thought it was funny. Well, I didn’t, especially since Miss Piggy’s nose didn’t have that much padding in it! After like the third punch, I acted out a motion of kicking him in the privates. He waved his arms in self defeat and that was the last I saw of him all night. My nose was pretty puffy looking as a result, but fortunately not broken. Now, as for Ava, I did manage to push a couple of cute Yuppie looking Guys her way but they all seemed to be attached. Oh well! Later on, all of the Drag Queens treated me like some kind of a celebrity following me into the changing area so they could see who was under the winged Miss Piggy. When they saw me unveil myself, I got responses like…”Oh my, I thought you were a little kid” I guess that doesn’t say a whole lot for my figure! Summing the whole Comic match making experience up…match making can really pay off, but not so much in finding a suitable match, but for using match making as an excuse to get a captive audience. Sorry Meredith and Ava!

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