Balloons bursting in Air
By Susan Zwirn aka Polkadots the Clown

When I was working for “Western Onion”, a popular singing telegram company in the nineteen eighties, I was blowing up a bunch of helium balloons for my next job, when I heard my crack head boss yell out…”Where the f... is Clinton”? “His customer just called up saying he never showed up!” His assistant answered by saying “He has the new guy trailing with him today, maybe they had trouble getting on the subway with all those balloons they were carrying”. Clinton was this very showy gay singing messenger. The new performer was this drop dead gorgeous aspiring actor with this deep sexy voice who I had a huge crush on. All of a sudden the phone rings. The assistant picks it up and says…”Clinton, what happened?!” “Your customer just called and…”She then stops talking and after listening for not more than a minute starts bursting out laughing. She proceeded to tell the story…Clinton and the new guy walk into the lobby of this big midtown Manhattan office with there one hundred helium balloons’ in hefty bags. They were immediately interrupted by this hysterical woman screaming…” Yas can’t go past there with those!” “Can’t yas see that this woman just had a heart attack?!” Clinton at the time was changing into his Gorilla costume handing his balloons to the new guy who already had a bunch of balloons in his hands to start with. He was so stunned by her screaming that he immediately let go of the balloons, causing them to float directly above the heart attack victim, hitting the lights and popping! This outburst (no pun intended), caused the security guards and the newly arriving paramedics to throw them both out!

Later that day when they returned to the office, Clinton walks in hysterically laughing with tears streaming down his face, telling us the entire story in his very showy way of reenacting the whole scene. He was later followed by the new guy who walked in with tears streaming down his face, but not the same kind of tears that were streaming down Clinton’s face. Suddenly, a totally new voice emerged out of the new guy’s mouth with a feminine pitch higher than mine…”I have never been so humiliated in my entire life!” Needless to say, it was the new guy’s first and last week!