Diary of a Clown/The case of the Stolen Gorilla Head

The Case of the Stolen Gorilla Head

My last day at “Western Onion Singing Telegram’s” came to an end about 6 months after I started working there. As a Singing Messenger for the company, I was never happy about not getting to keep my Credit Card tips, since my salary was only minimum wage to start with. I decided to grin and bare it, for fear of having to go back to a regular office job.
The job finally came to a Holt when right after getting screamed at for showing up late for a job, I had to deliver about 50 helium balloons to a woman in a Town House somewhere in Greenwich Village. While reaching for my telegram, I accidently let go of all of my balloons setting them free to fly the City sky! At that very moment my recipient opened the door. I then greeted her in my Top Hat and Tails by saying “Hi! I have a delivery from Western Onion Singing Telegrams” and then pointing up to the sky at what looked like colored polka dots, I said….”And THOSE were and ARE your Balloons!”

On the way to doing my next telegram that day, I ended up in Subway Hell, due to track work, Subway delays and getting bad directions. Needless to say, I was late to my next job. After that, I totally lost it, having a MAJOR panic attack taking it out on everyone and everything around me. In the midst of it all, I said to myself…”What am I doing?” With that thought said, I headed for the nearest pay phone, called up my office and told the Secretary to tell my boss I quit. After hearing the one sided conversation in the office, Paul grabbed the phone. Paul was this 18 year old singing messenger who had a big crush on me. Although I didn’t feel the same way about him, I liked him as a person and wouldn’t think of hurting him in any other way than not dating him. “Susan! Is there anything I can say to talk you out of quitting?” “No...I’ve HAD it!” “I’m EXAUSTED…physically and mentally!” “I don’t want to look at another balloon or ride on another Subway for the rest of my life!” In the most hysterical voice I ever heard come out of his mouth he said “OK, I understand what you’re going through!, but YOU have to understand that 2 people called in sick today, so it’s just the 2 of us working!” “I can barely make it to my OWN jobs, let alone yours!” I reluctantly agreed to take on a couple of more balloon deliveries and a Singing Telegram thinking that would be IT after that. I thought to myself…”That’s it! I’m hanging up my dancing shoes (so to speak) and doing office work!”

After I went back to the office, got my balloons and did my delivery, I went off to what I thought would be the last Singing Telegram for the rest of my life. My costume for that telegram was a Top Hat and Tuxedo. The telegram took place in a large Catering Hall somewhere in Midtown Manhattan. I was told by my recipient’s sender that I had the option of using a microphone. Thinking I was going to be performing in the small space we met up in, I told her I didn’t need it. She then led me to another room which turned out to be humungous! I figured I was doomed at this point, since I often had complaints about my voice being too low. After being introduced to an audience of about 100 people, I got into my spotlight on the stage, and out of no where, this powerful voice emerged landing me not only applause, but a standing ovation as well! Not only that, but I ended up getting the highest tip that I ever had in all the time I worked for “Western Onion”. I remember practically floating out of there like I was on some powerful drug. After all I went from feeling defeated to undefeated, but why? I already quit!

Even though I had given up on “Western Onion”, I decided not to give up on Singing Telegrams. I longed to feel that high again. Not only that, but to get paid for what I now enjoyed.
When getting my Paycheck that next week, I was told I had to return my Gorilla Costume which I still had on me from one of my last jobs the week before. When I discovered they had shorted me some money, I made the decision not to give up my furry friend. When I got home that day, I put my Gorilla head on my Bicycle seat and grabbed the yellow pages. I must have called like every Singing Telegram Company in the City. There were a lot back then since it was still the money making eighties. After repeat calls to these companies, I finally managed to find a few who were willing to send me out on Telegrams, but the jobs were limited to just Black Gorillas since that was the only costume I owned. Most of the companies I worked for, didn’t own there own costumes. A couple of years of doing like 1 singing Telegram a month and working 2 part time phone jobs, came to a drastic change in the strangest of all ways!

One afternoon I came home to find I was robbed! The bandits took off with 80.00 in cash, all of my Brother’s CD’s that he gave me to watch while he was abroad for a year, and….believe it or not….MY GORILLA HEAD!

Of course getting robbed caused me a lot of trauma and made trouble for my brother and me since a lot of the stuff belonged to him, but I was also upset about losing that Gorilla head

After turning down Singing Telegrams because I didn’t have a Gorilla costume, I marched myself down to “Halloween adventure Shop” (a popular costume shop in the city). I not only bought myself a new Gorilla Costume, but a Chicken Costume, a Pink Gorilla Costume, a French Maid Costume, Play boy Bunny Costume and a Top hat and Top Coat as well! I think I maxed out my credit card that day, but it ended up paying a few times over since I got work as a result of all of those costumes, and all as a result of quitting a job and getting robbed!

Also something else happened as a result of this whole ordeal after that last Singing Telegram at “Western Onion”. I developed this whole new serge of confidence, causing me to get no more complaints about my low voice and lack of energy, but higher tips, a lot of compliments and repeat customers.

Eventually, I started taking it a step further and started clowning as well.
I look at it like this… The Angel gives back what the devil takes away.